contemplating on the future

I haven't blogged in the last few days, just tired from work and all...I had a mandatory deli meeting at work on Monday....just as I figured nothing much accomplished in that...meeting was run by a "non-people person manager; Cynthia". More or less it was be more professional, don't call in so much, follow procedures better. I think part of it has to do with the way "Ember" runs the deli....she's kind of a pushover and other associates take advantage of that. I came into work Thursday and things were running almost perfect....then the night shift came in....a.k.a. "Betty & Ron"..... Ron doesn't want to do anymore work than he has to, and Betty is not the kind of person to be serving the public. I had another co-worker talking to me in the breakroom about how he didn't think Betty should be serving the public at any place because of her attitude, but we as "indians" have no control over that, only "chiefs" have that powe. I have also had other co-workers say to me as I'm waiting on them...."how can you stand to work with the people back here?" "You are so nice compared to them.....I like it when you work....you're my favorite person over here.....etc. I just hope the job situation improves for me, either being moved to anothwer dept. or a new job. I don't think any of those things are going to happen soon. With the way the economy is and how Wal-Mart works.....
Anyway on to more important things. I had some bloodwork done, turns out I am slightly anemic. I was just told to start taking a multi-vitamin. My cholesterol was good, big suprise there! Then later that day I had an at home visit with my "Rebif" nurse. I was telling her about how I'd been having all these dizzy spells and feelings of light headedness, and spacing out sometimes. She commented that either I needed to change my medication for my MS, or reduce the amount that I'm taking now, or cut back from work. She faxed her paperwork to Dr. Efobi's office and I origionally had an appt. scheduled for March the 11th.
I went to see Dr. Bishop today, and he made me an appt. with Dr. Efobi for this coming Monday. And he also gave me a slip that stated no driving until I see Dr. Efobi on that day. My first thought was "what about work?" I have to work Sat & Sun. I guess Gary will have to drive me....I can drive fine, I just have those sudden feelings come on, and as soon as the come they seem to go. I was driving home from work last night and I was passing the Taco Bell and I had one come over me. (I had one just now as I was typeing that last sentance.) I don't know what Dr. Efobi will tell me. I guess the worst senario will be I'll have to be off work for a while. And that will make me more nervous, because we won't have that much $$ coming in to pay the bills.
I had another visit with Dr. Frankfather(foot Dr.). He wants me in a more ridged brace that what I have now. One that is custom made for my foot and ankle. He said it takes about a month to get it in, it's called an "Arizona Brace". There's no telling how much this thing will be, and how much the insurance won't cover.... He told me that I had a "coalition" in one of the joints in my ankle and that in turn created "a domino effect" for the other two joints in my heel and ankle and that in turn developed and " arthritic condition".( my joints have fused together where they shouldn't be...and I have alimited range of motion in that foot.) That doesn't mean I have arthritis.....just the condition he said. So after I get fitted for this brace we'll see how that goes and if we have to go to surgery to fix this problem? I'll be on crutches and no weight on that foot for 3 months! There's no way I could work in the deli....and how would I be able to manage the stairs in our apartment? I'd have to find a way I guess.
I turned in my "time adjustment" sheets to request the weekend off for my sisters bridal tea. I gave them to Cynthia after we finished the deli meeting this past Monday. lets just hope she remembers to schedule me off those days. I had another day all ready requested off for a Dr. appt, and I was scheduled for that day anyway....My appt's at 9:30 that morning but I don't have to be in for work that afternoon until 3pm. Not really at time conflict, but I am also scheduled to work till 11pm that night before. I'll have to really push myself to get out of bed and get going that morning. I'm not going to say anything about that, but I do need to know if I'm going to be able to get that weekend off for sure. I'd be really mad if I was "conveniently scheduled", then my sister would be mad, because it's supposed to be her day! And there's no way i'd miss my own sister's bridal tea!

i'm sick with what I don't know....

I came home from work on Sunday afternoon sick. I had woken up that morning and Gary asked me are " you all right?" I said "I've felt better", but I knew we needed the money, so I got up and started the day. I got to work and the same old stuff was going on. I had the same feelings of "nobody else is working here but me..." Two of the younger associates that worked in my department were off in their little corner talking and there I was cooking and waiting on customers at the case. How I wished that place were more organized and professional. I still wasn't feeling very good and after what seemed like an eternity, my break time arrived. I went to the restroom and all I felt like was crawling under the covers and going to sleep...that is if I had any. My throat was still scratchy and I had been downing Halls "fruit breezers" like they were candy. For the past few days I had been congested also and I assumed it was just my sinuses draining or allergy related because I always seem to have a runny nose. (Always runs from my right nostril! I can't explain it.)
But when I started getting changes in my voice, I started to wonder if there was something more to this. I would be talking to customers and my voice would get scratchy and I'd wished I had some cold water to drink. I was texting Gary and I was telling him that I still wasn't feeling good. And he said it was my choice if I thought I needed to come home. I knew how much I needed to work but home was sounding better and better by the minute. I went to the mgrs. office and there was Cynthia(co-mgr.) and my dept manager, Ember; discussing the upcoming Deli Associates meeting that was coming up on Monday. Ember said she had noticed that I wasn't my usual self and said that my voice had been going in and out. So there was no question to Cynthia that I didn't need to be working back there and she told me to go home and get better. i have the next 3 days off from work. But I can't lay up in bed all that time. On Monday I have to be out for that "Deli meeting", then I have to do some shopping at Wal-Mart anyway. Then on Tuesday-I have to have bloodwork drawn at Dr, Efobi's office that morning, then later that afternoon my MS nurse is coming by for another visit/check-up, also I need to ask her about why I have been having these light headed feeling all the time.
Then on Wednesday, I have another follow-up with Dr. Derr in Franklin at the Bone and Joint Clinic. I am not looking forward to the drive to Franklin all by myself. I went to see Dr. Frankfather at Southern Hills (via Dr. bishop's office) and he told me that I had some coalitions in the joints in my ankle and heel. And he wanted to fit me in a more sturdy brace and see what happens from there on out. he gave me some medication to reduce the swelling and wanted to see me again for another follow-up. He said surgery would be the last resort, but if that had to happen....I'd be on crutches for the whole time and would have to be off work for @ 3 months and couldn't put any weight on that foot. So we will wait and see what happens. Also during our visit we discussed about coming solely to him for my check-ups because most of my Dr.s were all ready in Southern Hills and I didn't see why I would have to make a special trip just to see Dr. Derr. Also I have heard many wonderful things about Dr. Frankfather from gary and several other of my co-workers. I let everybody know what happens later.
Then I have another visit with Dr. bishop on this coming Friday. I'm not sure what will all be discussed at this visit, but i am going to ask him if I have just a cold or something else. Because of my scratchy throat, runny nose and sometimes I cough up mucus as well. There has been talk of Strep Throat, some kind of virus going around, "good weather for pneumonia" others say......what ever it is I have I'll get it worse because of me having MS...my immune sysytem is less resistantant to infections.
I'll have more to write after I have this "deli" meeting I'm sure...

"everyone knows it's windy...."

Now for those of you readers who know the song I am referring to, and the group that sings it; either you are as old as i am or you just like listening to "oldies music". LOL I guess the cold front the weathermen was talking about is moving in. I did seem sunny outside earlier today. Now when I look out the window, the trees are just "dancing in the breeze". "They're just a swangin' , swingin'...sorry for the bad pun there.
I got a letter from the Southern Hills imaging center with the results of my mammogram. I am cancer free. Like there was any doubt. But as you get older you have to get your boobies squashed every year. I was thinking about going to the zoo today. Being it's my last day off from work. But I didn't make it. I woke up this AM to Gary walking around in the bedroom, frantically searching for what I don't know. It was almost @5:45, and I felt bad because I had over slept and I didn't wake up early enough to make his breakfast and lunch. I stumbled to the closet for my robe and he says I was just about to make that..go back to sleep.....you were sleeping so hard I didn't want to wake you. I ask, did my alarm go off? He said yes, but I laid there asleep and it was ringing for about 15 minutes or more, that he just decided to shut it off and let me sleep in today. He said I must need sleep, because he didn't expect me to sleep right through the alarm.
After a nano second of thought, I jumped back into bed and tried to settle back down while I could hear him walking around. Then next thing I know I was woken up by his cell phone ( in the floor) ringing. It was "Hollywood". The two of them have been carpooling together since they are on the same job site. The time was 6:10am, so I guess he was calling up to see where he was at, since it was Gary's turn to drive today. Gary will be lost without the cell phone.
Then I woke up later @9:30 am and went downstairs to see if Gary had actually packed a lunch "all by himself". "Good boy---yes he's such a good boy" I trained him well. I'm not sure what he actually packed in that lunch.....but his lunch cooler was gone and so were the "blue ice" squares he uses in the bottom to keep things cool.
Yesterday was such a gorgeous day outside. But where was I spending it? Waiting on the cable guys to come. They finally came after 3pm. And after no more than 10-15 minutes work....out cable was back where it should be. Apparently our box was drawing too much power and we had some old wires on the back. If Gary had been there he would have understand more of what they were saying....using electricains terms and all. Then after they left it was fine. Later that night I got a phone call from my dear sweet sister. I shut off the TV to talk to her and when I turned it back on....no signal! I was pissed! Then next thing I know the TV was begining to turn itself off automatically @ every 10-15 minutes. I was missing American Idol!!!!!!!!! And where was Gary? Upstairs visiting the throne room....for what seemed like for hours on end while I fumed downstairs pissed about the TV situation. When he finally came down he calls the cable company, and it turns out the dude that came out set the tv on another channel for the cable service while he was there. So when the tv gets turned on it shows channel 3 on the tv itself but you have to change it to "video 2" to watch the program. Weird. All I want to do is now get my VCR/DVR machine hooked up so I can record from the cable on to a disk. I still haven't got that set up right. I miss that. Having to sit downstairs and watch "Star Trek TNG" or some other program(movie rerun) that G likes, that i can't stand or it comes on at the same time one of my programs comes on. It gets really agravating. And since we live in an apartment, we can't get another cable hook-up unless we are living in a house.
"It's raining again, I know it's raining again. tonight I'm losing a friend"; another musical interlude there. Just to let you know what the weather is doing now. Jennifer also sent me two caut video's of Tosh growling at the TV. She hates seeing other dogs on the TV and also can't stand it when Jen & Jas play with the characters on the Wii. It's just so funny to watch her.
The last time I was at work, Ember made a comment that she was going to see if Courtney/Cynthia would schedule me for a afternoon/night shift in the kitchen to learn how to close. We were there on Sunday and she was wanting me to put a piece back up on the fryer. And then just left. I had no clue what to do.....then she realized after she came back that I had probably never been trained how to do anything with the fryers. She just assumes I know more than I actually do and then goes off to do whatever.....not very good manangering skills there. And I was left standing there feeling like an idiot & I have to ask for help from another person, then they actually do it for me. Just doing it for me-isn't how I learn. I have to do it myself until I am comfortable with it. So we'll see what the schedule hold for me the next time a week's worth gets posted. I still feel like I don't fit in back there. Everyone mostly is of the 20-something persuasion. And all the "older" employees I get to only work with for 2-3 hours then next thing I know...it's time for me to go. And it's the same old story....morning shift talks about the night shift and vise versa. So much drama! There are sometimes I really miss the small town life. Everyone isn't so cold to each of your co-workers.
I keep checking our bank account on-line, Gary's back disability pay hasn't been depsoited yet. I feel like a kid at Christmas time. Not sure how much it will be, but it will be $$$ well appreciated. I guess i'd better get busy around here. Got clothes to put away, dishes to do, and other stuff around the house to clean up. Plus I keep watching the mail for Gary's new blood sugar monitor. His old one "died" and he had to call their 1-800 number to see what the problem was and they are sending him a new one via US mail/Fed-EX. We assumed it would be here all ready. but it hasn't arrived yet. Life goes on....... write more later.

baby it's cold outside....

I had a visit with Dr. Efobi this morning. This visit was for the weakness in my left arm. She said everything seemed fine. And the reason I was having the weakness was that I was just becoming aware of it more. She said when she saw me in the hospital she did notice that my left side was noticeably weaker as compared to my right. I guess in laymans terms that means that my arm is trying to hard to compensate for the weakness and thats where i am getting the pain from. I just have to remember to try not to over use/ put to much strain on that arm. She also checked my testing from StoneCrest and she saw no restrictions on driving, but I would need to be tested again @3-6 months. I'm not sure if this means going back to StoneCrest for this test, or I'd actually have to go to a DMV center...anyway I don't have to worry about that now. She also made me an appointment to have blood drawn on the 24th. At my last visit with DR. Bishop(primary care dr.) he did draw blood but that was for checking cholesterol and all that kind of stuff. On that certain day the only thing they found was I was very minimal Anemic. And wanted me to start takeing a multi-vitamin. Dr. Efobi said that my cholesterol results were perfect. She wants to have this blood drawn on the 24th to check my platelets & liver functions. (when I am taking the Rebif for my MS periodic blood tests are recomended for anyone taking an interferon medication) She asked me how I was doing personally with doing the injections and etc., I told her I was doing the injections on my arms now and they hurt so much going in. I have a few red spots were Gary has been doing the injections and I also have a small bruise on one injection site. She commented that in a persons arms there's not that much fat as compared to the stomach or a thigh injection; that's mainly the reason why I am experiencing so much pain when the needle goes in. Any way, I have another visit with her on May 6th. When I saw what date the only thing that struck me was "Jennifer's wedding is that weekend before". So when it comes time to request the weekend off for Jennifer's wedding, I have to make sure I have a seperate sheet made out for the 6th also.
I also had my first mammogram on this past Monday. The technician got all the "X-rays" she needed, and told me that the findings would be sent to Dr. Pereles office and they would only contact me if something abnormal was found. The girl behind the desk was asking me the usual health questions and verifying information before I went back. And when I mentioned that I was recently diagnosed with MS, she commented that a friend of hers also has it. And when she lived out of state, no Dr. there was able to diagnose her properly. They told her she had other things, and one even told her it was all in her head. It took her coming to Tennessee, to be diagnosed properly.
Anyway I gotta see what I can make for supper tonight, and cook some other stuff to have on hand so Gary won't have to order pizza or get fast food to eat on the nights that he's home alone and I'm at work. He's still on the medication for being diabetic, cholesterol, and now the Dr. at the VA has got him on blood pressure medication as well. He was told that his A1-C levels were high and if he didn't get them down, he'd have to start taking insulin injections.
Gary also got some good news in the mail yesterday also. He has been approved for his disability checks from that time he was in the ARMY and had the heat stroke and developed diabaties and all the other health complications from it. I'll have to read all the paperwork again, but from what I can figure out, they will send a lump sum from the time he first applied up till now and then after that a monthly check, The letter also stated that all checks will be deposited directly into our account at the bank. So I'll have to be checking the on-line statement every few days to see when the money is there, and when to expect future deposits from there on out.
He's working at a TVA in Columbia now-working on subcontractors. Working 4 10 hour days, and he told me that they will be having routine maitenence checks with power shutdowns in the near future so this will mean overtime.
I still have an appt. with Dr. Derr in Franklin on the 25th (bone and joint clinic), and another visit with Dr. Bishop on the 27th of this month, plus another at home visit with my Rebif nurse "Denise" on the 24th. I'll klet you know how all those turn out.

writer's block

I have the day off from work. I should be getting alot done, right? I woke up this AM @ 5 so tired and achy, and I was burning up. And where was Gary? Sitting in the bathroom reading a book, when he could have been getting himself ready for work. I slowly walked down the stairs, all the time trying to fight the uncontrollable urge of "gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now". There are several times I wish Gary wouldn't make the bathroom his "private reading room". I was in the kitchen trying to put together his lunch and all the time wondering why I was still so hot and not feeling good. Then it hit me "I'm probably having a site reaction". Gary felt my forehead and he said I did feel a little warm. I even walked out to the car @ 5:30 to find the missing Wal-Mart sack in my robe. That's how hot I was-and that still didn't cool me off. Gary was kind of sluggish himself. He went to sleep @ 9:30-10pm last night, so I thought he'd have enough sleep. But he told me that he woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't go back to sleep. He hates having nights like that. I would too, knowing I had to work a 10 hour day, then have class also that night. I know I come home tired from work some nights-but he has it more rough than I do. His job is much more physical, and also very tiring mentally. Working in an environment such as he does, and having the knowledge from the classes depending on when you get your next raise (if you pass your class). You have to remember so much and a wrong wire placement of calculation could cause serious injury. I think he's having his make-up test sometime soon. And after this he'll be getting his next raise.
I had my first evaluation at work....on my paper it said I had great customer service and I took pride in my work, and was friendly and willing to help others. Then it said I needed to be more aware of my area, and I needed to learn how to use the "ordering machine", and other stuff. My comment that I wrote on the paper was "working the shift I do, it is hard at times to be more aware of my area and do the things you say because I am never scheduled to open, never scheduled to close, and if someone will train me how to do these things I can feel more confident and equipped in my job." If they want me to know this....they'd better show me how and let me have hands on training. My department manager is so flighty, and she's in her early twenties, and she'd rather be "friends with the people that are under her", and not act like the "manager" they are paying her to be. Se always talks about how she has so much stuff to do, and not enough time to do it, and etc. If she would learn how to delegate and if she sees that other people are standing around and not paying attention & talking to each other, get them busy doing something instead of her jumping up to wait on a customer when one comes up. I tis so backwards there. I was doing some shopping there on Monday after my Dr. appt, and I was talking to some other employees. One commented on how she worked in the deli before also and she didn't like ther person it made her. It really stressed her out, and she was rude to customers. Another co-worker said he'd heard alot of people say they didn't like being in that dept. either and he wondered if most of the blame was solely the dept. managers fault & the way she ran her area. Whatever the reason....I know it's a bad job if you hate going to it everyday amd you really want to be trained for another dept. I guess I'd better be thankful, a job is better than no job. If I am understanding Gary correctly he made a comment one night that this new job he's on will be lasting till May or June. Hopefully by that time they economy will be for the better and he can slide right into another job when this one is over.
I guess I'd better start working on the story for the Chronicle's bridal supplement again. I have a great opening, a good ending, I am starting to write the middle and I am stuck on this one part. If my sisterneeds this befor etoo late tonight, I'd better get busy.